Appa

There are a number of things that I have felt my parents could have done a better job at (with respect to bringing me up). Especially appa - coz amma mostly followed appa's directions.

But the last poem reminded me of one thing that they (especially appa) did so perfectly that it seemed like it came naturally to them without any effort.

"Don't expect your children to love you, so they can, if they want to."

And that one thing I know is the F*ING hardest thing to do. I don't know if its humanly possible to feel that way even with intense effort. And to be able to do it naturally must mean some Godliness got into appa somehow.

That makes me angry with him for making me guilty forever.... guilty of not ever being able to match-up; guilty of not even knowing what to do to match-up; guilty of not repaying the debt; guilty that I can't offer my child what he offered me. And guilty that  I don't think I will ever have the guts to tell him how highly I think of him for just this one trait.

How To Be Perfect

Myself and some people very close to my heart have always loved Rudyard Kipling's "If". We hoped it would be our guiding principle to life (although it's been very hard to make that happen :) ). 

This poem below that I heard on NPR reminded me of Kipling's "If".... albeit a seemingly simpler version. [Note that I say 'seemingly' - it sounds simple but has some very profound nuggets like this one: "Don't think that progress exists. It doesn't." ]

                                    How to be Perfect 

                                                                         by Ron Padgett

Get some sleep.

Eat an orange every morning.

Be friendly. It will help make you happy.

Hope for everything. Expect nothing.

Take care of things close to home first. Straighten up your room
before you save the world. Then save the world.
Be nice to people before they have a chance to behave badly.

Don't stay angry about anything for more than a week, but don't
forget what made you angry. Hold your anger out at arm's length
and look at it, as if it were a glass ball. Then add it to your glass 
ball collection.

Wear comfortable shoes.

Do not spend too much time with large groups of people.

Plan your day so you never have to rush.

Show your appreciation to people who do things for you, even if
you have paid them, even if they do favors you don't want.

After dinner, wash the dishes.

Calm down.

Don't expect your children to love you, so they can, if they want 
to.

Don't be too self-critical or too self-congratulatory.

Don't think that progress exists. It doesn't.

Imagine what you would like to see happen, and then don't do
anything to make it impossible.

Forgive your country every once in a while. If that is not 
possible, go to another one.

If you feel tired, rest.

Don't be depressed about growing older. It will make you feel 
even older. Which is depressing.

Do one thing at a time.

If you burn your finger, put ice on it immediately. If you bang
your finger with a hammer, hold your hand in the air for 20
minutes. you will be surprised by the curative powers of ice and
gravity.

Do not inhale smoke.

Take a deep breath.

Do not smart off to a policeman.

Be good.

Be honest with yourself, diplomatic with others.

Do not go crazy a lot. It's a waste of time. 

Drink plenty of water. When asked what you would like to 
drink, say, "Water, please."

Take out the trash.

Love life.

Use exact change.

When there's shooting in the street, don't go near the window.