I am known to be diplomatic and I am known to be convincing. I have heard it multiple times from friends and family. Even then, the parts of my PM job that require diplomacy and convincing and negotiation skills are challenging and there is a lot to be learnt. During my initial years as PM, I wondered if these skills only come innately and cannot and are not taught. Like, which school teaches diplomacy and how to be confidently convincing etc? I never came across any such classes during my schooling!
Now, I am beginning to think otherwise. Situations involving your diplomatic skills are a very different kind of problem to solve than a technical problem; but just like technical problems, they can be broken down into steps to follow too. Which in turn means, they can be taught! Take an (albeit weak) example: negotiating the salary and benefits after a job offer. Some people just seem to be automatically geniuses at doing this kind of negotiation. But it can be learnt and proof is this document here that outlines a step by step process on what to say and do during a negotiation.
Too bad that our schools don't teach these essential skills that are required to succeed in the corporate world. For example - why do schools NOT have classes about conflict resolution or dealing with difficult work peers etc? Why do they not consider this as important as say learning database concepts or learning particle physics? And for that matter, why do they not have classes for 'dos and donts on your first date' or 'what not to post on facebook / how to make your facebook profile private'? Schools should not just teach the technical stuff required for work success, but rather, what is essential for an all-round success, which includes achieving happiness on the personal front too.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Ryan Seacrest inspires
Never thought much of Ryan Seacrest until I saw this on Oprah - http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Ryan-Seacrests-Success-Secrets
7 jobs in 1 freaking day!! and here I am with just one, and not even being the best at it.
Isn't like he is an innate genius at what he does... he says so himself. Just hard and smart work. That gives me some hope. I am telling myself I will strive to follow a super busy and effective routine, once I settle down. We'll see...
To be frank - I really haven't actually figured out yet if I want to do super-duper things in life, be awfully passionate about them blah blah... or live a smooth, boring, routiner-than-routine life. I guess I will try for the former but be ok with settling for the latter.
7 jobs in 1 freaking day!! and here I am with just one, and not even being the best at it.
Isn't like he is an innate genius at what he does... he says so himself. Just hard and smart work. That gives me some hope. I am telling myself I will strive to follow a super busy and effective routine, once I settle down. We'll see...
To be frank - I really haven't actually figured out yet if I want to do super-duper things in life, be awfully passionate about them blah blah... or live a smooth, boring, routiner-than-routine life. I guess I will try for the former but be ok with settling for the latter.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Yes yes, propose to me with rava idli any day!
And with a sprinkle of carrot shavings on each idli, please!
http://neoindian.org/2009/11/21/what-happens-in-vegas-ends-up-as-a-wedding-ceremony-in-chennai/
Being a NRNINA
NRNINA - Non Resident Neither Indian Nor American
"I don't know what's with all this confusion among us NRIs about whether we want to settle in the US or go back to India. I know exactly what I want to do - I want to go back to dear motherland some day" - that was me, until about a year or so back.
One three-week wedding ceremony in India later, I still know exactly what I want to do - I don't want to go back.
I remember this lunch I was having at a Pakistani-Indian restaurant with D and other friends, where I lifted up my fisted right arm and proclaimed that I would have my India vacation and my wedding go exactly my way. It didn't at all seem like a daunting challenge, given how over-doting S is and how super open-minded my parents are. D warned, "In most Indian weddings, that is a near-impossible claim... but I wish you all luck with all my heart".
My "I dont want to go back" declaration should have given you the gist of how it turned out :). Should have listened to D and kept my expectations in a bottomless abyss. But no biggie, I have resolved the my-kind-of-wedding issue with yet another proclamation :D - for all non-practical purposes, I will consider myself to be in an un-wedded live-in relationship until I have a MY-way-wedding. How 'bout that, huh! :p. [Yep, that was the only pathetic come-back I could come up with].
Thankfully for me, S feels the same way about moving back, but if circumstances force us to seek shelter in motherland, this wonderfully entertaining biographical-blog about a Newly-Returned-Indian is my inspiration to take it all with a pinch of salt and a whole deal of humor - http://neoindian.org/about/
"I don't know what's with all this confusion among us NRIs about whether we want to settle in the US or go back to India. I know exactly what I want to do - I want to go back to dear motherland some day" - that was me, until about a year or so back.
One three-week wedding ceremony in India later, I still know exactly what I want to do - I don't want to go back.
I remember this lunch I was having at a Pakistani-Indian restaurant with D and other friends, where I lifted up my fisted right arm and proclaimed that I would have my India vacation and my wedding go exactly my way. It didn't at all seem like a daunting challenge, given how over-doting S is and how super open-minded my parents are. D warned, "In most Indian weddings, that is a near-impossible claim... but I wish you all luck with all my heart".
My "I dont want to go back" declaration should have given you the gist of how it turned out :). Should have listened to D and kept my expectations in a bottomless abyss. But no biggie, I have resolved the my-kind-of-wedding issue with yet another proclamation :D - for all non-practical purposes, I will consider myself to be in an un-wedded live-in relationship until I have a MY-way-wedding. How 'bout that, huh! :p. [Yep, that was the only pathetic come-back I could come up with].
Thankfully for me, S feels the same way about moving back, but if circumstances force us to seek shelter in motherland, this wonderfully entertaining biographical-blog about a Newly-Returned-Indian is my inspiration to take it all with a pinch of salt and a whole deal of humor - http://neoindian.org/about/
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Heres to the ongoing, relentless, long-running process of interviewing
Know how long it's been since I started looking for jobs in the bay area? - About 10 months now.
How does that make me feel? - Frustrated and sometimes doubtful of my capabilities. And also a little confused - because I still don't know what I am not doing right - I usually breeze through the interview questions (most of them are open-ended questions anyways), I ask smart questions to my interviewers, show interest in the company/product and also give good product ideas to the team. When I hear back about a reject, I ask feedback from them every time - but I am given feedback only 10% of the time and even those do not point at my interview performance. In fact one of the recruiters at a company that "decided to go with another candidate" said, when I asked for feedback, that here was no specific feedback but that the hiring manager liked me a lot and said that he would definitely recommend me to other teams.
I dilute my rattled feelings by assuming that this economy has made it a hirer's world and people with much more experience than I are just falling into their nets left-right-and-center.
Anyway, I am the kind of person who has this need to come up with a "all-the-good-that-came-out-of-the-bad" story, just to assuage myself that the bad happens for a reason. It gives me the satisfying hope that my life is progressing for the better. So here's all the supposed-good that came out of the ongoing, relentless interviewing:-
1) I've talked to so many CEOs and CTOs and VPs of so many companies. It feels good! I guess its some sort of a cheap-thrill - it's like meeting a lot of averagely-popular celebrities - celebrities of the tech world as opposed to the entertainment industry :)
2) The lazy-bum that I am, I usually do not carve out enough time away from [work + silly-TV + eat + sleep] to read up about what is happening in the tech world and try out all the cool new products. Having to interview with various companies, forced upon me the need to read up about them and play around with their products. It's given me the drive to make it a routine to do that myself from now on, without needing that shove from upcoming interviews.
3) When we are in stable jobs, me and most others, do not venture out to see what else is out there. And we do not have the guts to question if our passions align with what we are currently doing with our lives. If it is only times like these that nudge us to think along those lines, then bring it on!
4) I am sooo looking forward to the time between my jobs to do the things that routine life hasn't afforded me in a long time - read, write, find organizations to volunteer for, be a temporary foster parent for animals in need, and find a better routine to settle down into...
So here's raising glasses to bad times that bring us fresh new experiences and insights! :)
How does that make me feel? - Frustrated and sometimes doubtful of my capabilities. And also a little confused - because I still don't know what I am not doing right - I usually breeze through the interview questions (most of them are open-ended questions anyways), I ask smart questions to my interviewers, show interest in the company/product and also give good product ideas to the team. When I hear back about a reject, I ask feedback from them every time - but I am given feedback only 10% of the time and even those do not point at my interview performance. In fact one of the recruiters at a company that "decided to go with another candidate" said, when I asked for feedback, that here was no specific feedback but that the hiring manager liked me a lot and said that he would definitely recommend me to other teams.
I dilute my rattled feelings by assuming that this economy has made it a hirer's world and people with much more experience than I are just falling into their nets left-right-and-center.
Anyway, I am the kind of person who has this need to come up with a "all-the-good-that-came-out-of-the-bad" story, just to assuage myself that the bad happens for a reason. It gives me the satisfying hope that my life is progressing for the better. So here's all the supposed-good that came out of the ongoing, relentless interviewing:-
1) I've talked to so many CEOs and CTOs and VPs of so many companies. It feels good! I guess its some sort of a cheap-thrill - it's like meeting a lot of averagely-popular celebrities - celebrities of the tech world as opposed to the entertainment industry :)
2) The lazy-bum that I am, I usually do not carve out enough time away from [work + silly-TV + eat + sleep] to read up about what is happening in the tech world and try out all the cool new products. Having to interview with various companies, forced upon me the need to read up about them and play around with their products. It's given me the drive to make it a routine to do that myself from now on, without needing that shove from upcoming interviews.
3) When we are in stable jobs, me and most others, do not venture out to see what else is out there. And we do not have the guts to question if our passions align with what we are currently doing with our lives. If it is only times like these that nudge us to think along those lines, then bring it on!
4) I am sooo looking forward to the time between my jobs to do the things that routine life hasn't afforded me in a long time - read, write, find organizations to volunteer for, be a temporary foster parent for animals in need, and find a better routine to settle down into...
So here's raising glasses to bad times that bring us fresh new experiences and insights! :)
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
An "Aha!" moment
Hung out with the friends gang this weekend, after a really really long time. And oh what pleasure and oh how relaxing! And oh how I miss them :(.
Anyway, at one point we were discussing about what was that one-two-three-.. things that made us give the nod of approval to our spouses when we were dating them. We humored each other and joked about it and said random things and finally realized none of us could come up with that list. Mr B then said "Well, that's a very good thing then. Imagine if you had 3 reasons you were with your spouse for. Would you leave your spouse if those reasons weren't true anymore? That would be a pretty sad state of affairs."
Aha!
Anyway, at one point we were discussing about what was that one-two-three-.. things that made us give the nod of approval to our spouses when we were dating them. We humored each other and joked about it and said random things and finally realized none of us could come up with that list. Mr B then said "Well, that's a very good thing then. Imagine if you had 3 reasons you were with your spouse for. Would you leave your spouse if those reasons weren't true anymore? That would be a pretty sad state of affairs."
Aha!
At a career change juncture
This is the second time in my professional life that I am at the juncture of making a career change to a new job / a new company. The last time it happened, I was so thankful for it. Despite the stress I had to undergo when making the change, what I landed up in was the next best thing that could happen to me - I was so much better a Program Manager than I ever was a software developer.
I am hoping this time around too, where I land up next, is as good as it can get.
Given that I now have the time and chance to explore my options, I am thinking about getting into non-profit. I also took the next step and applied to some Program Manager positions at non-profits. As expected, I haven't heard back from any of them. And why would I - I don't have the kind of background or experience that would suggest I would be super passionate about their cause (even if I actually am).
I am also thinking along the lines of what kinds of products I want to work on next; and if I want to work at a large company or a mid-size or a start-up.
Well, to be frank, the most pragmatic thing to do would be to take up the first offer I get. So I'm not sure where all this thinking is getting me anyway :).
I await, sometimes nervously and sometimes hopefully, the next thing that life is going to bring me.
I am hoping this time around too, where I land up next, is as good as it can get.
Given that I now have the time and chance to explore my options, I am thinking about getting into non-profit. I also took the next step and applied to some Program Manager positions at non-profits. As expected, I haven't heard back from any of them. And why would I - I don't have the kind of background or experience that would suggest I would be super passionate about their cause (even if I actually am).
I am also thinking along the lines of what kinds of products I want to work on next; and if I want to work at a large company or a mid-size or a start-up.
Well, to be frank, the most pragmatic thing to do would be to take up the first offer I get. So I'm not sure where all this thinking is getting me anyway :).
I await, sometimes nervously and sometimes hopefully, the next thing that life is going to bring me.
Evolution and the woman's body
Did you know evolution has caused a change (for the worse) in women's menstrual cycles? Did you know that a hundred years ago, a woman, on an average, had her first period only at the age of sixteen and that from menarche to the age of twenty, she only averaged seven periods a year? Did you know more menstrual cycles means increased risk of cancer?
Read some interesting stats and anecdotes from Malcolm Gladwell here: http://www.gladwell.com/2000/2000_03_10_a_rock.htm
Read some interesting stats and anecdotes from Malcolm Gladwell here: http://www.gladwell.com/2000/2000_03_10_a_rock.htm
Bill Watterson, I bow to thee
Don't you think Bill Watterson (creator of Calvin and Hobbes) is a true genius? How many comic strip writers can come up with cartoons that are fun for kids and at the same time have profound insights for the grown-ups?
Calvin: "How come grown-ups don't go out to play?"
Dad: "Grown-ups can only justify playing outside by calling it exercise, doing it when they'd rather not, and keeping records to quantify their performance."
Calvin: "That sounds like a job."
Dad: "..Except you don't get paid."
Calvin: "So play is worse than work?"
Dad: "Being a grown-up is tough."
By the way, whenever I read Calvin and Hobbes I feel a slight pang of sadness - because I always wonder if Calvin is just being a normal kid, imagining all those things he imagines or if he is schizophrenic. Anyone know if Watterson said anything about that at anytime? Like how J.K.Rowling revealed that Dumbledore is gay? :D
Calvin: "How come grown-ups don't go out to play?"
Dad: "Grown-ups can only justify playing outside by calling it exercise, doing it when they'd rather not, and keeping records to quantify their performance."
Calvin: "That sounds like a job."
Dad: "..Except you don't get paid."
Calvin: "So play is worse than work?"
Dad: "Being a grown-up is tough."
By the way, whenever I read Calvin and Hobbes I feel a slight pang of sadness - because I always wonder if Calvin is just being a normal kid, imagining all those things he imagines or if he is schizophrenic. Anyone know if Watterson said anything about that at anytime? Like how J.K.Rowling revealed that Dumbledore is gay? :D
No longer once upon a time...
Once upon a time, I did not have the need to blog - parents took care of most of my needs, friends were all around me to listen to all the cribbing I ever needed to do, and 'stress' was a very rare term in my vocabulary. To put it simply, I wasn't yet in the grown-up world.
Now, I am "independent"; friends are in geographically distant places and 'stress' is an everyday term. I have officially entered the boring, adult world. I need to blog now - I need a way to talk to myself and to my friends - to gossip, share, crib, reminisce, gather my thoughts... whatever it takes to feel saner by opening up :).
Anyhoo - here comes yet another blog, my existing multiple public and private blogs not-withstanding :D. Not to mention the facebook and twitter updates :D. Actually, I just needed another blog for everything that I didn't say on one of my other blogs!
Due credits for the idea for this new vent-venue goes to Pree's new blog :).
Now, I am "independent"; friends are in geographically distant places and 'stress' is an everyday term. I have officially entered the boring, adult world. I need to blog now - I need a way to talk to myself and to my friends - to gossip, share, crib, reminisce, gather my thoughts... whatever it takes to feel saner by opening up :).
Anyhoo - here comes yet another blog, my existing multiple public and private blogs not-withstanding :D. Not to mention the facebook and twitter updates :D. Actually, I just needed another blog for everything that I didn't say on one of my other blogs!
Due credits for the idea for this new vent-venue goes to Pree's new blog :).