Appa

There are a number of things that I have felt my parents could have done a better job at (with respect to bringing me up). Especially appa - coz amma mostly followed appa's directions.

But the last poem reminded me of one thing that they (especially appa) did so perfectly that it seemed like it came naturally to them without any effort.

"Don't expect your children to love you, so they can, if they want to."

And that one thing I know is the F*ING hardest thing to do. I don't know if its humanly possible to feel that way even with intense effort. And to be able to do it naturally must mean some Godliness got into appa somehow.

That makes me angry with him for making me guilty forever.... guilty of not ever being able to match-up; guilty of not even knowing what to do to match-up; guilty of not repaying the debt; guilty that I can't offer my child what he offered me. And guilty that  I don't think I will ever have the guts to tell him how highly I think of him for just this one trait.