Since the start of this year, I have been gripped by a fear that I did not have before - fear of losing the kind of life and the freedom that I have now and not being able to get back.
I am making checklists and working on checking items off it. Hoping to check most of them off before something happens that puts a plug on making such checklists. I don't know what that "something" is and when it would come. All I know is that I fear it.
Maybe that something is as grave as death; maybe it's just a normal life event such as the birth of a child; maybe it is the need to move back to India and fight the social struggles.
I don't know.
I pray for the strength to always just do what feels right to me and what makes me happiest. WHATEVER that means I have to do.
If I knew I had that strength, I wouldn't have this fear.
2 comments:
Uncle(siva's dad) says, it doesnt matter if you dont have the strength, you will find it in you when you need it. God never gives challenges that one cannot overcome.
btw, I have seen you rise up from the ashes, and it feels so good to see you so happy :-D so, you owe it to me to dump that fear and live with your life.
>> You will find it in you when you need it
That's true :). It has been true so far in my life too.
Aanalum konjam bayam irukku :) - if I might succumb and become someone I don't want to become and just get comfy in that state.
If that ever happens, remember to shout a "WTF" at me! :).
H
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